The Academic Harem of Severus Snape
by Scioneeris
Summary: AU. Albus Dumbledore fought tooth and nail to become headmaster of Hogwarts. The sneaky former headmaster, Armando Dippet, has left some very obvious challenges for him. Such as filling the shoes of several necessary teaching positions and Heads of House. Enter, one Severus Snape and a very special Harem.
1. You Will Owe Me

**Summary: Read Warnings before you proceed to understand the context and universe of this fic. **

AU. Albus Dumbledore fought tooth and nail to become headmaster of Hogwarts. The sneaky former headmaster, Armando Dippet, has left some very obvious challenges for him. Such as filling the shoes of several necessary teaching positions and Heads of House. Enter, one Severus Snape and a very special Harem. SSxMMxFFxPSxRHxIPxPPxRHxAS

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**Pairings:**

Severus Snape x R. Hagrid x F. Flitwick x M. McGonagall x I. Pince x P. Sprout x R. Hooch x P. Pomfrey x Aurora S.

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own any Harry Potter anything. That belongs to J.K. Rowling. I just like playing with Harry in my own little world of storyville. I make no money by writing this fanfiction. All original characters are my own.

**Rating:**

M – Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16.

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**WARNINGS: VERY AU : **Mature themes. Contains mentions and moments of slash(m/m). Scenes are not explicit as per FF guidelines. There will be slight hints of D/s Themes. Teensy bit of Angst. Fluff. Other warnings will be added as I see fit. Set during the Marauder's era. SEVERUS IS TWO YEARS OLDER than his youngest "wife". I am not having some super old cougar with Snape. This is a completely different 'verse than canon and features a lot of tweaking to the canon characters themselves. He did not attend Hogwarts, neither of his harem did and they are all new to Hogwarts and roughly about the same age, give or take five to ten years, given that wizarding folk live longer than the average human.

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**A/N: **This little ficlet is a "What If" Severus Snape was one to have a harem and instead of it being OC's, what if it was the actual Hogwarts Staff? Er, yes, I did take a dare with this one. It's meant to be fun and silly and very light-hearted. Might not have much of a plot, and no graphic lemons/limes, etc, (expect a fade to black), the M rating is for the harem theme and the suggestion of slash/femmeslassh/het, etc. I am restoring my PC at the moment and this was one of those old fics I had buried in there. I couldn't resist pulling it out to post it. Please note, in case you missed the above warnings, that SEVERUS IS TWO YEARS OLDER than his youngest "wife". He did not attend Hogwarts, neither of his harem did and they are all new to Hogwarts and roughly about the same age, give or take five to ten years, given that wizarding folk live longer than the average human. Enjoy!

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**THE ACADEMIC HAREM OF SEVERUS SNAPE:**

**CHAPTER ONE - YOU OWE ME**

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When Albus Dumbledore decided that he did, indeed, wish to take over the proverbial reins of taskmaster and Head of Hogwarts, it was only after he was knee-deep in administrative paperwork and his fifth vial of headache relieve, that he realized something about a certain Headmaster Dippet. He had severely underestimated the old coot's conniving ways. In short order, having made his declaration clear, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore found himself headmaster of the illustrious Hogwarts School for impressionable young minds and consequently little else.

By little else, Albus fumed, it meant that the old bastard had won in the end.

Armando Dippet had been clever—very much so—and he'd managed to outplay the impossible Albus Dumbledore.

Yes, Albus had won the school—a school that was now severely lacking in competent witches and wizards to fill the positions of suitable teachers. Oh yes, there were a few, say, Sybil Trelawny and a certain Professor Quirrell who had applied and received their positions for their respective positions. Though Albus had been careful not to let on anything about the fact that they had been the _only_ applicants to send in suitable references.

Well, any references really.

It was partially why he wrote to his old friend—a certain mysterious old crone he'd known for some time, she was a noteworthy companion via parchment, for the past several years, a friendship forged in his younger years. On plain parchment, he bemoaned his dilemma of despairing to fill all necessary positions before the school year began. Merlin help him, should he be forced to turn to the retired Armando Dippet for suggestions for Hogwarts continued survival.

To his surprise, his sharp-witted correspondent sent back a quick reply, suggesting he send an official missive to the mysterious House of Prince, addressing the esteemed heir, one Severus Tobias Snape. His parchment friend explained the misfortune—or rather, the fortune—depending on your point of view, about the personal life of a certain Severus Tobias Snape and his rather…unusual living arrangements.

The esteemed heir was the youngest wizard to achieve and hold a Potions Mastery, was recognized as a certified mediwizard, held a certificate in Legilimency and Occulumency, a title of master duelist in the junior category and the unfortunate inheritance of the rare gift of magical empathy—as per the famed Prince bloodline.

The reclusive Severus T. Snape was rarely seen in public, rarely referred to in society and very, very, extremely rarely—if at all—visible in any sort of transactions in the Wizarding world. In short, an untouchable hermit.

Definitely not the sort of interesting fellow that Albus cared to amuse him about.

The letter carried on to share the dazzling qualities of this one Severus Snape, as well as the shiny compliments to be gained by forging an alliance in any way possible.

On the surface, Albus brooded, it seemed as if his correspondent had parchment for brains and little else, until the letter continued.

A very specific and odd quirk.

Albus blinked.

He squinted at the parchment, reread it, then took off his spectacles and inspected them for damage.

Finding none, he replaced them on the edge of his nose and peered at the parchment once more. Perhaps, he really ought to listen more to the dear lady who often took such time to write to him and with such clever wit. Fawkes squawked inquiringly at his actions and hopped over from his perch to come and see what had his wizard so befuddled.

Albus sat back in his chair and thought for a moment. He reached up a hand to gently stroke Fawkes' lovely feathers and ignored the familiar's attempt to preen his silvery hair.

Severus Snape, as a once-in-a-lifetime rare wizard, required a rather startling—_thing_—to hold and maintain his rare gift of empathy.

No, not quite a thing, but rather a specific circumstance.

A very singular circumstance.

Severus Snape required a _harem._

In fact, according to his darling correspondent, Albus was informed that this Severus Snape did indeed create, form, maintain and operate on a completely legal and ethical ground—his very own coven willingly bonded in marital bliss—for the sake of his sanity and that of the wizarding world, dubbed for all intents and purposes, as a harem.

His rare gift of magical empathy made him a powerhouse of raw magic and volatile spellwork, tamed by the grounding presences of various powerful witches and wizards in their own rights.

This Severus Snape would be a real gamechanger.

It was a very special harem indeed. A magical coven housing experts in Transfiguration, Herbology, Healing Arts, Magical Creatures and Charms, as well as perhaps a few more tucked in there for good measure. Severus Snape was a rather private man and the little information on him was hard-earned. The names of the esteemed individuals bonded to him were withheld for personal reasons, the letter claimed, but it did promise that each individual was a master at what they did. His friend then suggested requesting Severus Snape and his entire _harem_ to come and play teacher until he could legitimately fill the positions himself with instructors of his choosing.

Albus gaped at the parchment for longer than was strictly polite. Fawkes trilled softly to catch his attention, an inquisitive look on the face of the scarlet-plumed Phoenix. Apparently the preening had not brought about the expected result and now his feathered friend was somewhat worried. Albus sighed, his parchment correspondent suggested writing to this Severus Snape and asking whether he would be willing to invest a bit of time and a sizeable donation of galleons to the future lives of promising young witches and wizards, in addition to possibly loaning out members of his, ah, coven, in the capacity of teachers.

"What do you think, Fawkes?" The snowy-haired wizard asked. He could not promise the galleons part, for there were certain things that the Board of Governors would and would not allow, and he was fairly certain that excessive teacher salaries was listed in there somewhere. Of course, if Severus himself, in turn, did refuse to contribute to the school, then Albus was not about to complain, so as long as the harem was allowed to come and teach.

The gaily plumed bird regarded him with serious, dark eyes, before bursting into a delightfully trilling song.

"I agree." Albus exclaimed, cheerfully. He fished out a round lemon drop from the folds of his mismatched wizarding robes. He hadn't had time to coordinate them today, he'd been so busy with everything else. He popped the sweet in his mouth and suddenly, it didn't seem like such a bad thing.

It certainly couldn't hurt to write and see.

After all, the worst this Severus Snape fellow could do was refuse, right?

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It took two long days for a reply to return to Albus' lovely, long scripted missive with expressive sapphire blue ink.

It featured a starkly black spidery scrawl bearing two letters and one period.

_No._

There was nothing else writ upon the reply.

"Oh dear." Albus murmured.

Fawkes tilted his head sideways and chirped.

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The written war lasted right down to the last two weeks of school where Albus became too desperate to do more than send out inquiries left and right as well as frantically scribbling replies to the mysterious Severus Snape.

While his first attempts at written communication had been largely ignored, Albus had persisted and eventually succeeded at prying more than a single word from the mysterious wizard. Severus Snape was a man of habit. He'd written the singular "No." in answer, no less than twenty times—though with varying distinctions between them. Some looked as if he might have broken the tip of his quill in his haste to reply, while others were neatly scripted, though still bearing the same distinctive spidery scrawl. Albus had swiftly run out of sapphire ink within the first month and soon returned to the standard, expected, black ink as he sent back his replies.

He had to admit that this Severus Snape had quite a few good points and a very sharp mind. He was also, Albus noted, a very blunt and extremely private man. How such a brilliant mind had managed to avoid the last wizarding war, Albus didn't know, but he surely wasn't about to ask. He considered it a victory of victories, when he'd managed to pry an entire sentence from the reclusive Snape.

When it finally came down to the draw, Albus had resorted to looking up former students with outstanding OWL's and sending out as many persuasive letters as he possibly could.

"I need a deputy." Albus told Fawkes. He mopped his brow with a damp kerchief, thinking of a Deputy Headmaster or Headmistress. It would certainly be very welcome and quite useful in more ways than one. There was simply too much work for a single, talented wizard to handle and there were very few willing to cross Dippet by returning after he'd been the one to boot them out. Albus had his work cut out for him. "A very good one." He finished, gloomily.

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The next morning, a most curious notice appeared was brought to him by a nervous house-elf wringing its hands and ears in alternate motions as wide-dark eyes peered up at the white-bearded Headmaster.

It was a scrap of parchment bearing a single line.

_You shall owe me. 1:30 PM. SS. _

And then the time, registered.

Albus blinked. One-thirty was two-minutes past.

Severus Snape gave the air of a very punctual man.

The headmaster swallowed hard. He looked from the scrap of parchment to the increasingly nervous house elf before him. "It just came?" He inquired, far more calmly than he felt.

"Yes, Headmaster sir." Inky bobbed his head. "What shalls I be telling them?" Inky nibbled on his lower lip. "Theys be requesting an immediate reply!"

"Ah, then would you be so kind as to take me directly to my office?" Albus smiled charmingly at the house-elf, Inky, he thought the name was, for this particular elf seemed particularly handy at cleaning up ink-related messes.

"As Headmaster sir wishes." Inky bobbed its head and snapped its fingers.

The mismatched duo appeared in the Headmaster's quarters in time for the floo to chime urgently once more.

"Fawkes?" Albus held out a hand as he hurried over to the fireplace and hurriedly lowered the wards and restrictions to allow the incoming travelers through. The Phoenix flew to perch on his shoulder as the Headmaster stepped to the side.

He was completely unprepared for the sudden bustle of people.

A tall man cloaked in black swept out from the floo. There was a distinctly sour look plastered on his pale face, framed by thick, straight locks of inky black hair. The face became clearer when long, elegant—faintly stained fingers—tucked the strands behind the ears, to show a prominent nose and a pair of very dark, very black, very unnerving eyes.

"Albus Dumbledore." The name fell from the man's lips with something akin to distaste.

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**Well, what do you think? I've a few more chapters to clean and post, if I can manage the time. This will largely focus on relationships as opposed to an actual plot. I want to show different sides of Severus and also of Albus as I am currently bashing him in my There Be Dragons, Harry fic. Thanks for reading! **


	2. Introductions, Round One

**NOTE: Read Warnings and disclaimers in chapter one, before you proceed, in order to properly understand the context and universe of this fic. Will be Set in the Marauders' Era, with James and Co. attending school. Voldy will NOT be the villain. Gellert had supporters that took over after him and they will be the bad guys for the moment. **

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**Pairings: **Severus Snape x R. Hagrid x F. Flitwick x M. McGonagall x I. Pince x P. Sprout x R. Hooch x P. Pomfrey x Aurora S. Possible OC in later chapters.

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**THE ACADEMIC HAREM OF SEVERUS SNAPE:**

**CHAPTER TWO- INTRODUCTIONS, ROUND ONE**

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_PREVIOUSLY: A tall man cloaked in black swept out from the floo. There was a distinctly sour look plastered on his pale face, framed by thick, straight locks of inky black hair. The face became clearer when long, elegant—faintly stained fingers—tucked the strands behind the ears, to show a prominent nose and a pair of very dark, very black, very unnerving eyes. _

"_Albus Dumbledore." The name fell from the man's lips with something akin to distaste. _

"Ah, yes. I am Headmaster Dumbledore." Albus stepped forward. He began to offer his hand only for the man in black to turn and offer his own hand as the floo flared green again.

Albus stared.

A flourish of rich, expensively tailored green robes preceded the lovely, mature witch that stepped out from the green flames. Her own face, distinguished with the faintest touch of wrinkle, did not hide from her beauty, as lovely brown hair, streaked with a few lines of grey and wound into a simple bun, pinned beneath her tall, pointed hat. She stepped out, readily accepting the man in black's hand as if she'd expected it to be there all along. She lightly squeezed his hand, leaning forward to touch his shoulder with the other as she stretched over to kiss his cheek.

The man merely grunted and handed her off to the empty space at his right without so much as a blink. He extended his newly freed hand again as the floo flared green.

The witch that stepped through this time was considerably shorter than the first, dressed in smart Quidditch robes of a rich, navy-blue-black hue. Her hair was entirely grey—definitely more grey than the first witch—and cropped short, in the absence of a pointed hat. The Textured strands suggested magical stress rather than age had sucked the natural hue from her hair, further evidenced by sharp eyes that were a vivid, piercing gold. She wrinkled her nose as she pulled her hand free from the grip and cast a quick look about herself and the office.

Albus stared as the man in black didn't protest, but instead caught her around the waist and pulled her flush against him to whisper something in her ear.

The petite woman smirked and pulled away with a wink.

The man in black offered his hand again as the floo flared.

A slightly plump witch hunched over, coughing indelicately into a silk-kerchief-covered hand, her wild, reddish-brown curls dancing merrily around her heart-shaped face. Wide brown eyes grew even wider when the man in black rolled his dark eyes skyward and pulled her directly to him. He drew a vial from the voluminous folds of his wizarding robes, broke the seal, popped the cork and upended the vial in the witch's mouth, his height and quick hands making it seem like an effortless movement.

"Swallow." He ordered, silkily with those rich, deep tones that easily filled the room. His slender fingers had prodded her mouth open and now massaged her throat to ease the trouble of swallowing. Her cheek was firmly pressed to his chest, her forehead a breath away from his angular chin. The command was punctuated by a raised eyebrow.

The witch swallowed.

The man in black then handed her off to the first witch, who drew her near and began to fuss over her in quiet tones while the Quidditch dressed one looked on. He extended his hand again with the air of a man who is resigned to his fate.

Albus mentally prepared himself for the next traveler.

She landed quite neatly on her feet.

It was a slender young woman, with thin, pale brown hair and fairly pale blue eyes. She wore standard Healer's garb and the stark whiteness of the front smock only served to make her face seem even paler. Her form was tall, thin and—twiggy—for want of a better expression. She ignored the man's proffered hand as she swept through and her pale eyes immediately fixed on the plump witch being fussed over by the first.

"Pomona!" She tsked. "Didn't I tell you to take a stomach soother _before_ you stepped into the floo? That means you take it first, not second. How could you mix that up? You never listen, you silly witch. You really shouldn't be up and about after what happened this weekend!" She unwound the thick tartan shawl about her shoulders and draped it over her fellow witch's shoulders. "I brought your shawl, Minnie." This was directed to the first witch with the pointed hat. "You left it on the settee by the North Wing and I thought you might want it." She frowned. "Really, Pomona!"

"Poppy-!" The man in black—Severus—growled. "That is quite enough. She does not require your-"

The young healer, Poppy, gave a sniff and deliberately kept her back to him. Her dark brown eyes mutinously fixed on 'Minnie.' She muttered a few more sentences that were missed by Albus, but apparently caught by her sharp-eyed husband.

As if on cue, the floo flared again and this time, the proffered hand was accepted—by a lovely smiling, dark-skinned witch. Her smooth skin was the perfect shade of warm cocoa with rich black hair in countless braids flowing down her back and past her hips. She smiled warmly up at the man in black and drew near to plant a kiss on one side of his scowling face—just as 'Minnie' had done. She murmured something in his ear as she'd leaned close. Her robes were muted shades of gold and soft tan, with black and grey trim along the edges at the right places.

Dark eyes softened—just barely—and he may have returned the gesture of affection, if the tilt of his head towards her pointed golden hat was any indication. His eyes flickered appreciatively over her well-dressed figure as the witch lifted her chin with a touch of pride. She seemed perfectly at ease in her role and the current situation.

Albus suddenly found the décor of his esteemed office rather interesting. He had not quite taken into account the fact that a wedded harem might indulge in occasional displays of public affection. He swallowed hard. He would have to have a word with them about that…

"Nice trip, Aury?" The golden-eyed Quidditch-equipped witch inquired. There was a snap and sparkle to her face as she spoke, and a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth as if she wanted to laugh, but wasn't sure if she ought to.

"Just fine, Ro." The dark beauty smiled, warmly. "You lit out of there faster than I could blink!" But she laughed, even as she spoke, turning back to the wizard she was still pressed up against. "Rubeus is coming next, Severus. Filius is last. He wanted to charm something before the wards closed and he said it would help with _that_." She gave a soft smile over her shoulder, towards the severe man.

"Thank you, Aurora." Severus intoned. He kept his hands at his sides as the floo flared up again, allowing Aurora to step to the side.

The fireplace suddenly stretched and morphed into something larger, before the fire flared and a tanned, tall, husky wizard stepped through. His dark hair was thick and curly, adding some hint of maturity to his boyish features. His hair fell past his waist, twisted around into something of a braid. Waist-length was something of a rather long stretch as the wizard appeared to be much taller in comparison to the other occupants in the room.

Much taller.

Albus stared, unable to help himself.

A half-giant. It had to be. He'd never seen one up close before. There wasn't a single hint of anything off about him though, intelligent dark eyes regarded him with curiosity and he moved easily, albeit a tad self-consciously, with no glimmer of clumsiness. He was round about the middle, yet something about the way he carried himself suggested that it was pure muscle rather than pure bulk.

Black eyes latched onto him, narrowing is disapproval at his staring. Albus gulped and quickly looked away, making a mental note that Severus Snape was very, very aware and protective of his own.

The floo flared again as the half-giant shifted out of the way. The fireplace shrunk to its normal proportions as it burned bright, before spitting out the last occupant.

A short, neatly-groomed wizard, with a pair of thick-framed glasses, highlighting mixed features. Pale skin, dark hair and light hazel eyes glimmered with interest as the short fellow surveyed his newest surroundings with an air of interest. Where the half-giant had commanded respect with height and stature, this wizard did so with an aura of calm, deliberate purpose and in spite of appearing barely over three feet. He drew a wand seemingly from thin air and cast it about him.

A decently sized footstool appeared beside him and the short fellow clambered up. "Thank you, Minerva." He said, kindly. "That was very well-timed."

"Always for you, Filius." Minerva tucked her wand into her voluminous sleeves without so much as a blink.

Albus caught up to that exchange when he realized that the lovely witch had transfigured a stool out of some scrap of something she'd found in the pocket of her robes in a mere blink. Filius had then charmed the stool to bring him to a more appropriate height for conversation and it was done in an ease of manner that spoke of it being a common occurrence. Shaking his head, Albus waited to see if that was the last of them.

He hadn't done that much research to know if all of the names were correct and what they were capable of doing. Rather, it was because there was very little to be found of them at all. What little was mentioned came only from verified interviews that were at least several long years ago. The older wizard started faintly when Fawkes began to preen his hair, as if for lack of anything else to do. Albus didn't dare speak just yet, having the impression that his lateness—even if only by a few mere minutes—had been cause for disdain. He had absolutely no intention of alienating or upsetting whatever delicate balance he'd worked out with Severus Snape and so he waited, hoping the younger man would make the next move.

The room slowly filled with tension, but no one seemed eager to break it. Fawkes trilled softly, its tunes sending a soothing and relaxing sensation rippling out through the little crowd.

Severus frowned at the fire, his lips twitching as if he were about to say something, when he stopped. A spark of magic leapt from his fingertips and into the burning, green floo.

The tense silence resumed itself and hung in the air, growing thicker, as it seemed that no one dared to breathe.

Fawkes gave an uncertain trill this time and Albus hushed the magical familiar with a light scratch on one thick wing.

Severus finally began to turn away when the floo flared up once more.

A breath of relief seemed to come from everyone present.

From the light green flames, a thin, hawkish young woman stepped out, her dark beady eyes rapidly scanning the room and her own attire eerily similar to the somber black tones of the man in black himself. Her expression was pinched and twisted, as if she had discovered something disgusting and simply forgot to let it go. She was by far, the skinniest of the bunch and the least stylish, if her plain, simple robes were anything to go by.

She landed with a crouch and straightened, drawing up an overstuffed bookbag that seemed too big for her small frame. She hefted it easily over one shoulder and there were three quills sticking out from her black bun. She studiously avoided the glare from the man in black and instead turned to Filius. "I couldn't find my charmed knapsack." Her voice was low and cultured. "And I'd really hate to impose but-"

"Hold it up, Irmy." Filius interrupted, gently. "Tis no imposition at all." He flicked his wand at the sack and it lightened, allowing its bearer to stand straight, while the books inside shrunk to a tolerable size. He held a fond smile for her as he tucked his wand away once more.

Severus now turned to stare at the Headmaster, his mind shifting gears now that all available members of his coven was present. He lifted his chin a few degrees upwards. "I believe, Headmaster," he drawled. "That you now owe me. Severus Snape, at your service. I trust we can find ourselves a mutually agreeable compromise? We can discuss the finer points later."

Albus found his voice quickly as he shifted his attention from the newcomers to the man in black, now correctly identified as the elusive Severus Snape in no less than three times, at least. Pale blue eyes widened faintly in shock as he realized that the mysterious wizard had come—and with his entire family, both witch and wizard, as far as he could tell. He licked his lips, hoping to stem the nervous stream of babbling about to spill forth. It seemed like a lost battle. "Thank you, my boy, I cannot begin to -"

"Severus." The man interrupted, sharply. "My name is Severus Snape. Severus, if you must." Dark eyes narrowed in calculation. There was more than simply politics and formalities to consider in allowing his given name to be used, but this was _the_ Severus Snape. "Albus, correct?" He demanded.

"Headmaster." Albus corrected. A slight flush made his face flame at the pointed eyebrow Severus leveled at him. "Er, but Albus is fine." He felt Fawkes digging his claws into his shoulder, having managed to pierce his wizarding robes. "Quite fine. More than fine. You can all, call me…Albus." He swallowed. "I ah, do thank you all for coming. I had about given up hope as to-"

"Think nothing of it, lest your thanks annoy me to the point that I feel obligated to retreat." Severus retorted. His attention swiveled towards the latecomer. "Kindly pay attention as I do hate to repeat myself or to see my spouses doing the same." He frowned. "Since you were last, do introduce yourself first, _Irma_." Severus drawled. "That way we do not somehow manage to forget you."

The skinny witch ducked her head. "Irma Pince." She forced a smile that came out more of a grimace. Her lips were neatly colored with a rich, wine-hued lipstick, without the faintest smudge possible. The dark color only drew out her paleness even more. "I'm best with books and put in a corner." Her dark eyebrows twitched, faintly, reminiscent of Severus' own. "_Always _with the books and _always_ in a corner. Never with people." She stifled a shudder.

"A good librarian, if you haven't one." Severus intoned as he took over, drawing the dark-clad witch to his side and keeping her there with a strong arm about the shoulders when it seemed as if she wanted to be anywhere but near him. "This is Minerva." He turned towards the first witch who had come through. "You might recognize the name, Minerva McGonagall. She is a talented witch in transfigurations and excellent with paperwork." He smiled, thinly. "She has expressed an interest in accepting a position as a professor in teaching the subject of transfiguration. I believe you mentioned you had not yet selected an individual?"

"I-I hadn't." Albus found himself staring at the lovely, older witch. "Ah, transfigurations, you say?"

Minerva inclined her head. She extended a hand, with a deliberate slowness—showing a lovely, silver ring, in the shape of a serpent eating its tail. "Minerva McGonagall." She repeated. "I studied at Beauxbatons as a child." She withdrew her hand after his light kiss. "And I taught there later as well. I have heard so much of Hogwarts, I cannot say how happy I am to be here. It seems like it will be a wonderful adventure. I shall be most happy to assist in any way that I can." A faint smile showed on her face. "Any way at all."

Albus found himself smiling at her before he could help himself. He silently hoped that Severus Snape wasn't a jealous sort of fellow. There was simply something warm and welcoming about Minerva that made him want to show his best side and none of his faults. "Beauxbatons?" He heard himself say. "I thank you for considering Hogwarts then."

"Think nothing of it. I have taught there for several years. It is lovely. Hogwarts will be a change of scenery and pace and I must admit that I am looking forward to it." There was a faint smile on her face. "And teaching. It has been a little while since I have taught, but I am sure it won't take much to settle in, yes?" Minerva stepped to the side as one of her fellow spouses stepped forward.

"Rolanda Hooch. Flying instructor extraordinaire." The short-haired witch with the yellow eyes, looked the Headmaster up and down. "I'm good with children and I've never called a bad match. Had some practice playing Professional for a bit, but I quit. Didn't care for all the hype. It was fun while it lasted and I'd rather be teaching others how to have the same." She held herself up tall, her Quidditch robes doing justice to her lightly muscled form. "Severus said you had an opening for a flight instructor? I keep a place in shipshape. You won't be disappointed."

"Indeed we do Madam Hooch." Albus hesitated. He really had no idea what to call these dear ladies, as they were all introducing themselves with anything but the surname 'Snape' and he desperately did not wish to stick his foot in his mouth in any other shape or fashion. "I am sure that you will find that-"

"Rolanda's fine." The witch waved her hand, carelessly. "I won't answer to anything else." She inspected her gloved hands. "Not for you anyway. The others never use it, so I'd know it was you if you did. I'd like to set up as soon as possible, if you don't mind. Lots to do before the little monsters arrive." A feral smirk flickered across her face. "So much to do.

"Er, yes?" Albus swallowed. His day was suddenly very wonderful and very horrible all at the same time.

"Aurora Sinistra." The smiling dark-skinned witch introduced herself. "I am fond of the stars and the skies." Her smile softened to something warmer and fonder. "If you have need of an Astronomy professor, I am certified for the task." She inclined her head. "I have also worked for a few semesters at Beauxbatons, nowhere near as much as Minnie did, but I assure you that I can hold and keep an orderly class. I have brought the records if you need to see them for any verification purposes of-"

"Absolutely no need!" Albus interrupted, hastily. He was starting to squirm inwardly at the dark-eyes that were boring through him even more with each word the lovely witch spoke. Severus might not be jealous, but he was certainly a possessive bastard. "Lovely, lovely. Thank you. Yes, I was considering ah, removing Astronomy from the curriculum as we didn't have anyone to teach it, well, but if you are here, then I suppose there is no need to do so—thank you-er,"

"Aurora is fine." The witch winked. "Or Mrs. Snape, if you prefer." There was a hint of mischief in her features.

"He does not." Severus growled from his corner. The glare deepened. "We discussed this already!"

"I know, loveling, I know." Aurora's easy smile didn't waver as she stepped to the side. "There's no need to ruffle yourself up. I was only trying to lighten the mood, Severus." She retreated to his occupied side and nestled herself close on the side where Irma wasn't currently occupying. "It's quite stifling in here and you know how such things upset me."

Her little speech seemed to have a calming effect on the man in black, because Severus' scowl did lessen, however faintly. He did draw her firmly to his side, however, and kept her anchored there, much as he did with Irma. The next witch to introduce herself, merely sniffed in disapproval as she eyed the trio.

"Poppy Pomfrey." The young, pale witch tossed her head. "Medi-witch. _Certified_ mediwitch. I will be glad to assist in the hospital wing, I can make myself useful almost anywhere." She lifted her head. "And this is Pomona Sprout." Her pale blue eyes glittered as she gestured towards the somewhat dizzy, plump witch that held her arm for support. "Herbology is where she belongs. She's good at it and can teach it. Has a teaching certificate, as do the rest of us." She sighed, as if greatly put upon. "I would also like to request separate quarters for all of us in our living space." This was punctuated with a glower towards Severus, who seemed immune to its vitriol. "Particularly if you wish to keep casualties down to a minimum."

Albus gulped. Casualties.

That didn't sound the least bit reassuring. He would definitely have to make sure he spoke to them about the importance of keeping their marital life out of their academic ones. The bearded wizard paled significantly as the rest of him caught up to that line of thought. He didn't think it would be a conversation he could hope to survive in one piece—not if the powerful aura of magic radiating off of Severus was any indication at all. His glare had now switched to direct itself to Poppy.

Said Medi-witch was now returning her own glower in his direction.

Fawkes shifted uncertainly and Albus reached a hand upwards to hold him steady.

Oh dear. This could not possibly bode well.

* * *

**Thank you for the kind response to this fic! There's actually quite a bit I can do with it at the moment, but for now, just keep up with the notes at the top for any actual changes in timeline/characters, pairings. Etc. This is meant to be humorous and I have an odd sense of humor, so please be warned. If there's any specific characters you'd like to see appear, then mention it in the comments. Thanks for reading!**


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